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 There is a specific skill that is probably just charisma, but it’s when you know how to meet the energy of the person or group you are chatting with. I hate being asked very specific questions. Tell me a story. If it’s interesting, I’ll tell you one back. And around and around we’ll go.

 “Real Housewives” is always a good source of conversation, because these people aren’t real, but they remind you of people in your own lives. You can’t go wrong talking about scandals and celebrities. I hear a lot of things out there on the streets. People love to hear about that. It’s very Truman Capote. People want to drink the tea.

 A man in a dark suit checks a long dining room table before the guests arrive. The table is outfitted with a white tablecloth, wine glasses at each place setting, tulips in small vases and a pair of small lamps.

 When you invite people into your home, you need to let go. You can’t be like, “You can’t touch this” and “You have to take your shoes off” and “If you spill something, you are in trouble.” Hosting is letting your guests enjoy themselves.

 For hosts, don’t assume people are not allergic to things. Ask if there are any food allergies from the beginning. Emily Post would never have said that, but in the climate we’re in today, it can change the whole night.

 You have to be responsible. This one is a vegetarian, which is a new thing in today’s world, versus the old days, where you just served a meal. Today, you have to be very aware — vegetarian, vegan, all these things. And you do the best you can.

 As a hostess, always have something vegan, because the whole world is funny about food now. There should be a gluten-free, dairy-free vegan option, because if people don’t tell you beforehand, you’re like, “Here’s some lettuce.” They’re sitting there with an empty plate, and you feel terrible.

 If you’re going to have a sit-down, I love name cards. Now, my trick for name cards is to write the name on both sides, so if someone’s sitting at the table and doesn’t know the other person, they can read the name.

 The best decision I made when hosting a milestone birthday was asking people to stow away their phones upon arrival. It changed the entire dynamic of the evening. As the meme goes, “Not a cellphone in sight, just people living in the moment.”

 If you’re in someone’s house, don’t go secretly snooping around and posting photos. Also, take cues from the host. If they’re posting pictures, by all means post back. But never post somebody’s children. Unless you ask first, don’t even take their picture.

 Gosh, I don’t think you can avoid certain topics in 2024. I think the world would be a better place if more people of different viewpoints broke bread and shared a glass of wine and talked about things.

 I think we are in a time of perhaps the most geopolitical instability I have seen in my lifetime — it would be odd to avoid such subjects. I recently sat next to a wildly well-informed media baron and asked him for his views on Trump, Biden, Ukraine and Putin, and I had a fascinating dinner. Ask people their views, be interested in others, and you will get invited back over and over.

 I had a dinner maybe a month and a half ago, and I invited a diverse group. It started with the whole can-you-believe-what’s-going-on-with-college-campuses type of thing. And it got so heated that somebody threw their drink across the table, looked at me and said, “I’m sorry, but I can’t sit here if these are your friends,” and stormed out.

 The old adage says to avoid discussing politics or religion at a party, but politics are so all-consuming right now. It’s crucial to be thoughtful. The art of civil discourse appears to be lost, and I think it’s time to resurrect that.

 I was at a dinner party the other night with my husband, and he brought up what was going on in Israel with some Israelis. It got heated. It didn’t end in agreement, but they were able to be civil afterward, and I was impressed by that. I do think we actually live in an age where you should at least address some of the things that are happening. Don’t expect to solve anything — but we can’t ignore it, obviously.

 You can be cute. But don’t think you’re décor. Never show up empty-handed. Bring a bottle — vodka or tequila or white wine. Nothing worse than a bottle of red wine that spills. Offer to help make breakfast.

 When you’re staying at someone’s house, don’t use it as a hotel. And don’t sleep in. I can’t stand when people sleep in, in my house! And don’t leave your bed unmade. Fill the fridge. Unload the dishes. And make sure the matriarch of the family is happy. That is the way you get invited back.

 Here in the South, the topic of when to say when is not something that one has to consider. My favorite quote is from Dorothy Parker: “I like to have a martini, two at the very most. After three, I’m under the table. After four, I’m under my host.”

 But if someone has had too much to drink, I usually offer to help them get home and call them a car. They usually don’t realize I’m also pushing them out the door. I once had a guest who had too much to drink. He said goodbye, and I thought he had left. The next morning, the butler discovered him passed out on the dog bed!

Strippers Scottsdale

 I know exactly how much alcohol I can have before I am not presenting myself well. I like people having fun, but slurring? You are not coming back, if you’re a slurrer. At a certain age, too, you just can’t do that anymore. The drug thing is not my thing, so I don’t get the mushroom party thing.

 I’m amazed at how, when I was using a lot of drugs and drinking a lot, how I really believed that everybody was doing it. And once I stopped, I was like, No, I was kind of the only one.

 I personally think saying goodbye is important. Especially to the host. But if you can’t find them, or if slipping out the door is the only way to get out, then a text saying goodbye should do. No matter what, I always send a text thanking the host and saying how nice the evening was. That goes a long, long way.

 I’m the biggest believer in Irish exits. I think that if you tell people you are leaving, it’s kind of disappointing, so why would you tell them? It raises this whole point of “You’re leaving?” And it pauses the whole vibe.

 One of the most fabulous things that my husband and I have experienced is, we were at dinner with Bette Midler, and she insists on doing the dishes, wherever she is, at her house, or at somebody else’s house. “I’m doing the dishes!” She needs to do the dishes. That’s probably one of the reasons she’s so successful — she knows she could do dishes, if she had to.

 This is a huge new thing in New York, where people no longer thank. I’m old enough and spoiled enough that, if I make an effort to give a dinner party and invite you, I hope you will acknowledge it. It’s just old-fashioned manners. When you’re invited, and you accept, you thank.

 If you had a good time, even if it’s a week later, call and say, “Just thinking of you today, thank you again for a beautiful evening.” Or put that on a card with a stamp and throw it in the mail. It’s lovely to get something like that. Handwritten cards are wonderful.

 We’re not in the handwritten note days anymore, but send something afterward, a thank-you note, a follow-up. And don’t use the word “can’t,” as in, “I can’t wait to see you again.” No! Make it: “I look forward to seeing you again.” Something that evokes that positive energy into the next step.

 As the hostess, I expect everyone to leave at the designated time. If they don’t, I have several foolproof ways of dealing with stragglers. First, I turn off the music. Then I walk around with a candle snuffer in hand, gradually extinguishing the candles. Finally, I start picking up the glasses, even the ones people are still drinking from.

 Once the room is dark and the alcohol has stopped flowing, most guests get the message. But there’s always someone who foolishly believes you want the party to go on all night. That’s when I say, “Do you need me to call you a car?”

 Hosting your first dinner party is an exciting undertaking, filled with the thrill of planning and the anticipation of bringing your loved ones together. From designing dinner party invitations to curating a specific menu, creating a welcoming environment, and timing it all just right—there’s a lot to plan. But fear not! We’ve compiled a list of tips for hosting a dinner party that will make your first one a breeze.

 We love cultural themes like an Italian feast or a French fête, cuisine favorites like a seafood boil or fondue party, and fun options like a casual game night or a garden party. If you want to get into the spirit of your theme, ask your guests to come dressed accordingly.

 Part of the fun of planning a dinner party is the opportunity to introduce new people to each other. You likely have friends from everywhere—work, childhood, and mutual friends. Consider inviting a carefully curated group that you think will have common interests and enjoy each other’s company. Thoughtful planning helps ensure a lively, enjoyable evening where everyone feels comfortable and connected. After all, the more, the merrier!

 Sending dinner party invitations well in advance gives everyone time to make arrangements and ensure they can attend. It also gives you plenty of time to prep and plan, so things are just the way you want them. You’ll be able to comfortably confirm RSVPs, adjust the menu accordingly, and order any ingredients, supplies, or décor. An early invitation builds anticipation and excitement for the evening, making your dinner party feel special right from the start.

 Hosting a successful dinner party requires planning for dietary requirements and restrictions to ensure that every guest feels cared for and included. Paperless Post makes it easy! Instead of texting guests individually, you can enable Guest Questions when you create your invitation, allowing you to ask about dietary restrictions directly. This way, you’ll collect all pertinent information upfront, giving you time to plan your menu and accommodate allergies, vegetarian preferences, or other restrictions.

 Let the fun begin! Planning a menu is your chance to get creative. If you’re confident in the kitchen, showcase your skills with dishes you’ve had bookmarked for months, or try Food & Wine’s flavor-packed paella, salmon with sour cream and onion hasselback potatoes from Bon Appétit, or a vibrant pita and kebab board by Camille Styles.